Story: Japanese Porn

No one under 18 permitted.  Violators will be punched by Spiderman.

No one under 18 permitted. Violators will be punched by Spiderman.

Alright, let’s get Japanese porn out of the way.  When you write for a site of this candor, you gotta start from the dumpster and work your way clean.  Unfortunately for my credentials as a journalist, this might be the only article of mine you’ll ever read.  This may be my legacy.  When I die, if I’m remembered at all, it’ll probably be for this.  Sad news, but if that’s the way it’s gonna be I might as well have fun with it.  Here’s some fun to start out with:

Hentai.

Let’s get right down to it:  Tentacle rape—or the thing you’re probably Redtubing right now.  Huge eyes, school girl outfits, light saber penises, mosaic, bukkake, creepy old men with MacGyver glasses, aliens, sea animals, wandering hands on subways, virgins and their impossible amount of blood, pedophilia, urolagnia, coprophilia…

HENTAI.

Sure, there’s regular porn in Japan too.  There’s awkward dudes on top of girls splayed flat out like dead fish (a.k.a. the maguro position).  The Japanese watch girl-on-girl, gang bang, and anal plugging the same as everyone else.  But this isn’t about the normal stuff.  Normalcy, while popular in public, tends to be a niche market in the world of entertainment.  People want strange; people want to be taken out of their world.  To take you out of your world, to spotlight the strangeness of this poor island that just wants to be left alone, I’m setting out on a quest for the weirdest porn in Japan.

My journey begins before I know I’m even writing this article.  Collin Bullock (he writes for this site) had asked me to send him something “fucked up” from Japan for material in his stand-up comedy.  Obediently, I located a multimedia store with 9 cramped floors to peruse in Akihabara—a mecca of anime, manga, video games, action figures, and anything involving otaku culture in Tokyo.  Region codes were gonna be a problem, so I decided manga would be the best avenue to take.

The task of finding this golden turd of an entertainment wasn’t going to be easy, however, so I summoned the assistance of a fellow attendant.  His teeth jutted out of his mouth and had bulgy fly eyes set too far to the sides of his head.  I wanted the stuff he read.

We looked at the tentacle porn first.  Nope, seen it.  Give me something better.  More fucked up.

He brought out a picture book with rape, garden shears, and other painful-looking things.  The images weren’t bloody enough, R-rated at most.  The characters were almost adorable.

“How about something disturbing,” I said.

He insisted on the ones I’d already seen, so I gave up and sent him on his price-tagging way.  I needed something Collin, Americans, had never seen before.  Something they would remember the rest of their lives.

That’s when I found “My Three Sisters”…

Some things exist in Japan that are so taboo in the west that people will hate you for it.  Hate you for mentioning it.  Hate you for having seen it.  Hate you for it even crossing your mind.  This was what I held in my hands.

I’m using “My Three Sisters” as a guidepost for where to draw the line with my quest for the weirdest porn in Japan.  It has to be fucked up, but it can’t be illegal.  It can cross psychological boundaries, not moral.  I’d rather its display have the effect of an oddity at a Tralfamadorian zoo, a behind-the-small-curtain peek in a back alley, a mutant calf baby in Eraserhead.   I don’t want opprobrium.

The textbooks don’t teach the kind of rank Japanese I need for this expedition, so I grab Nacho Nunez’s (another writer for this site) girlfriend Azusa for help.  Azusa is an awesome girl.  She’s outward in an inward society.  She dresses like she just rolled out of a closet, and this is on purpose.  She’s not afraid to go beyond her comfort zone.  She’s vocal, audacious, and flexible as a boiled noodle.

Azusa and my first stop of our porn-hunting night is the local video store.   After a brief gander a lot of it is looking really tame.  Still Japanese-y, but nothing out of the ordinary.

On the bottom shelf, furthest away from everything else, wedged as far into the dusty corner as it can go is the “Maniac” section.  That’s where we find the “2 Girls 1 Cup”-type deal, and more than I was expecting.

It’s 4 years ago.  I’m a college student, and I don’t know any Japanese people.  I have heard the rumors, have seen some of the anime and nonsense Youtube videos, and am curious what the people are like.  I go browsing on the internet one late night and discover “Maniac.”  And then more.  And more and more and more, until I lose reality.  I’m in a toilet bowl of vile things and flushing down deeper and deeper, gasping for breath.  Are a lot of people in Japan into this?

I ignore the “Maniac” section.  I’m looking for weird porn, but fun weird porn.  “Maniac” is just nauseating and torturous.  My plan is to share with the world a completely lewd-icrous example of Far-East titillation; possibly a play-by-play.  Would anyone read about excessive puking and scatology if that were the whole piece?  Would I even want to write about it?  Would I even want to watch it?

Would I?

What are my limits?

Most of what I find tonight will be a test of mental resilience.  What unsightly images can I handle?

How high does my puke-o-meter go?

We keep looking.  There has to be something I can use.  Where’s the breast milk?  That’s popular here, right?

We see something called Air Sex.  The camera points straight up at a couple doing the deed on a glass floor.  It kind of looks like they’re floating in air.  The woman’s in a stewardess costume.

“Azusa,” I say after a long silence.  We started the night in laughter and excitement; now we’re just digging, trying way too hard.  “Where’s the eel porn?”

2 years prior to now the 2 of us wander into the AV section of a 2nd-hand clothing, electronics, and pretty much anything else store.  We come across a box with a girl lying face down, eel tails flailing out of her butt.

“Remember the eel porn from the 2nd-hand shop?  Where’s that?”

This is what I’ve really been looking for the whole time:  Eels.  I’m telling you right now that my criterion for weirdness isn’t as broad as it probably seemed at the beginning.  I already know what the weirdest porn in Japan is.  It’s the eels; things like that.

“I can’t find any here, but I did see some strange Japanese things on the internet,” Azusa says.

“Eels?”

“No.  Frogs.”

I remember a picture I saw once from Japan:  Two girls with octopi wrapped around their heads.  They look like they can hardly breathe.  The fluorescent lighting reminds me of a science fiction movie: Everything has a bluish-purple tint to it, each shadow as black and terrifying as underneath a basement staircase.  Are Japanese people all like this?  Are they always drooling and sliming and defecating on each other?  Are they all nuts?

You up for some sushi later?

You up for some sushi later?

I tell Azusa about my old feelings about Japan after the video store.  I had seen so many insane things associated with the country; that’s all I was really exposed to.  And if not, if I’m mistaken and I really was exposed to much more respectful things, the insane things had certainly overshadowed them to the point of invisibility.  Japan to me at that time was a loony island of giggly, lollipop-licking, blue-haired squid fetishists.

We arrive at Mandai Shoten, a huge 2nd-hand store, maybe half the size of a Wal-mart; twice as much junk.  You walk in to hats and bookbags on the left, arcade games on the right.  You keep walking and you’re either lost in a closet, brushing past used jackets, dresses, and costumes down rows and rows of narrow aisles, or you’re in an electronics-video game-figurine-DVD-music-manga jungle, ducking your head in case of plastic robot avalanche.  A gruff voice yowls from old distorted speakers; chings!, and electronic gurgles from the arcade games fill in the silences—if there are any.

On our walk to the back of the store, to the AV department, Azusa tells me about a Sims-esque dating video game in Japan called Love Plus.  You have to work your charm and take a virtual girl out on dates until she’ll be your girlfriend.  A lot of the otaku, or the more socially maladjusted cognoscenti in Japan, take the game very seriously and even hold conventions to show off their new CGI girlfriends.  Recently, I found another gaming option for those not looking for so serious a commitment.  It’s called RapeLay.

I wouldn’t say it’s easy to get lost in the AV department of Mandai Shoten, but it is easy to forget what you were looking for—or what your tastes were in the first place.  As we make our way to the back in the maze of ceiling-high shelves it gets dimmer and dimmer until it’s just us now and the fluorescent glow of pink and white lights stuck vertically to the shelves.  It reminds me of a make-up mirror on “morning” setting.

We find just about any kind of porn you could imagine.

You shoulda seen her BEFORE the straps.

You shoulda seen her BEFORE the straps.

  • –Old men
  • –Lactation
  • –Food in orifices
  • –Big feet
  • –Funny faces—girls with their faces distorted via pantyhose pulled over their heads, or leather straps with hooks going up the nose for a pig snout of a look
  • –Captivity/Bondage/Latex
  • –A whole section on poop
  • –Mummified humans sex (interestingly enough, at $80 a pop they’re the most expensive)
  • –Bestiality—mostly dogs.  It’s much worse than that video you saw online of the girl on all-fours.
  • –A Best-of for lesbian excretion videos

No eel porn.  Somehow they got rid of it.  Maybe they burned it. It could have fallen off the edge of the world for all I know.  Plenty of stuff around us seems good enough, but I can’t help but feel I’m lowering my standards.

Then Azusa points out a curious breed of smut that we’d missed the first lap:  Dirty videos without sex.  A disclaimer on the DVD back explains, no nudity, no penetration, must be 18 to rent.

Porn for those who find cameltoe attractive.

Porn for those who find cameltoe attractive.

I’m torn between the backwards bridge  and the lip fetishes.  The former shows young girls in exercise outfits and bloomers bending all the way back, hands and feet on the floor, waist skyward.  No nudity, just crotches in plain view—and I assume lots of uncomfortable, vaguely sexual conversation.   Although funny, the lip fetish plucks my strings with a little more vibrato.  The title is “Erotic Tarako Lips.”

Tarako is fish roe served on top of pasta, as a filling for rice balls, or just glopped out into a plastic container to be eaten plain—this presentation somewhat resembling a set of lips.  The DVD cover shows close-ups of girls and their big rouged tarakos.  They’ve got lollipops, hot dogs, cigarettes, chopsticks (yes, chopsticks), spaghetti…  83% of what I’ve mentioned is either food or a utensil used in association with food.

This obsessive attention to one distinct body part and every aspect to its function reminds me of the Japanese big boobs porn.  One guy sits there, eventually removes the girl’s bra, and for the remainder of eternity plays with her breasts.  He massages them, jiggles them, squeezes, bites, jiggles more, smacks, rubs, teeter-totters up and down…jiggles them more, teeter-totters, rubs his face in them, the girl falling asleep, the guy looking bored as hell, I having already switched videos, eaten dinner, gone shopping,  run out of Freon in my refrigerator, stopped watching Japanese porn.

What is it with the obsession of focusing on one part of the body and distorting, manhandling, manipulating it until it becomes almost repulsive?

I purchase the so-called pink film and watch it from beginning to end.  The sequences are organized by lip action and separated by black title cards with white font, written in both English and Japanese.  Perhaps there’s an international market in this.

“Erotic Tarako Lips”

“Erotic Tarako Lips”

CLOSE-UP

-Girl with giant red lips-

She just sits there.  Shots alternate between uncomfortably big lips filling the whole screen and wider shots of the face and lips.   Lipstick caked on 3 or 4 coats.  Looks like she just got punched in the mouth—probably true.  Eventually starts licking her teeth as if ordered at gunpoint—also probably true.

LICK

-Girls with lollipops-

Sucking, not licking.  Obsession with drool.  Sticky pools of it collect in their laps.  Close-up on that.

-Girl with hot dog on a stick-

I’m hungry; hot dog appetizing at first.  More sucking.  More drool.  Possibly a quart of it used in the video so far.  Not hungry anymore.  Won’t be eating a hot dog again anytime soon.

-Girl with dildo-

First instance of sexual object, yet somehow manages to be the most boring.  Saliva saturated with lipstick dripping this time.

-Girl with test tube-

I figure the test tube is so you can see inside her mouth as she’s sucking. Why you’d want to I don’t know.  Her open mouth sliding up and down the clear shaft reminds me of a Discovery Channel show I saw once.  A female fish lays her eggs and a school of males in a fit of oviparous fertilization make worried-like “O” faces and seed all over the eggs.  Their faces remind me of hers right now.  We’re up to a gallon now of Total Amount of Drool Used (TADU).

SMOKE

-Girls smoke-

Self-explanatory.  About as interesting as watching people smoke for real.  I’m very aware right now that there hasn’t been a single line of dialogue or note of music in this entire presentation.  At least in the previous videos there was a hint of urgency.  Something seemed about to happen.  Right now I’m seeing if I can identify the girl’s cigarette brand.  Seven Stars.  Fast food employee uniform.  Next cig.  Finishes.  Next girl’s in a lab coat.  Succeeds at being the least interesting of the two.  Drools—why I don’t know.  Random close-up of legs.  Long shot of her from the waist up.  Close-up on lips.  Long shot.  Lips.  Is David Lynch credited in this by any chance?  Third girl in vinyl costume.  Every drag she takes the vinyl squeaks like a balloon.  Kisses the camera lens, is cut off, probably fired.

INDECENT WORDS

-Girls talk dirty-

Close-up of mouths saying things like “dick” and “sperm.” Repeated 2 or 3 times in succession as if to foreign language learners.  I have definitely been studying the wrong tapes.

PICK UP

-Mysterious hand plays with girls’ lips with chopsticks-

This is where is gets weird.  Woman sits facing camera completely still while a man, never seen, squeezes her lips together with a pair of chopsticks.  Close-up on tarakos:  Chopsticks squeeze, lips bulge out, release, sink back into face.  Bubbling, flattening.  Dolls blink more than this girl.  Squeeze:  Gummy worms, release: Huge fucking lips.  Lipstick now rubbing off.  Looks scared, deer-in-headlights.  Now each lip squeezed individually.  Now tongue.  Next girl, same shindig.  Much smaller lips; for some reason this makes me queasy.  Girl #3, meaning more chopsticks.  Waiting for a white girl to come in—waiting for the chopsticks to disappear and a fork to jab her in the mouth.

EAT

-Girl eats spaghetti-

Mouth takes in glistening ball of noodles and ketchup, morsels like garbage disposal remnants collect on lips.  A glimpse of the girl:  bathrobe; possibly autistic.  Unhealthy amount of spaghetti piled in front of her.  More mouth filling screen.  More spaghetti packed in, bites twice as large as mouth.  How a human spaghetti dumpster might look.  Gross.  Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti.  Just when you think it’s over, more spaghetti!  Reminds me of the “dirty movie” scene in Breakfast of Champions.

GLASS

-Girls slobber on glass-

This is what almost drives me insane.  This must be the part where the guys in the trucker hats and smelly coveralls blow their caps.  This scene might be why the fetish exists in the first place.  You ever own an aquarium with one of those sucker fish that’s supposed to keep the tank clean?  You ever see  a live clam with its mouth open and its innards floating phosphorescently out of its shell, or a jellyfish dancing itself about?  I don’t know which one of these to choose when describing what these girls look like with their fat mouths slobbering and sliding up and down the glass pane.   The sequence goes through 4 girls.  4 GIRLS!  All the sucking, sliming, the sight of pink tongues and lips pressing up and whitening against glass.  If I started masturbating now, would I climax from madness or just irritation?  Could you do that, climax from madness or irritation?  If this gets international recognition I can totally see the birth of a nonce orgasm.

I can’t help but think this still isn’t good enough.  I still feel I’m cheating my audience out of something truly deranged. I pause the DVD and look around on the internet.  I find the website Azusa was talking about.  I find the picture of the naked girl with frogs crawling all over her.  I follow another link to GENKI productions, which specializes in that kind of stuff.  Then I’m slid down another dark long tunnel to the stuffy internet underworld.  Snakes, fish, worms, goldfish, octopi, the eels, all atop, in, around, and under Japanese people.  Torrents and sample pics for all.

I find a video of the mind behind GENKI productions.  He’s Daikichi Amano.  He’s leading an American documentary crew around the back streets of Tokyo’s sex district:  Kabuki-cho.  In a small bar an old mama-san whore, transgender, stringy white hair, sucks on a wooden dildo and stirs their beers with it.

Later we go up to Amano’s studio.  He says in order to assuage his actresses’ fears of putting sea animals inside them, he puts them inside himself first.  Often times after a shoot he’ll take the deflowered animals, cook them up and eat them with the cast and crew.

He started his career in dog porn.  This was very sad, though, he says, so he switched to marine life, snakes and such.  In Japan these are food.  If it’s food then it’s not so sad anymore.

Some people in the alternative sex world see what he does as art.  He sees it as just straight porn.  On the monitor behind the interviewer and him a fish drinks milk out of a girl’s ass.

Surfeit to say, this video gave me the warm and fuzzies.  Amano is nuts but still seems like a cool guy.  He’s an artist.  He does what he does, he’s recognized for his work overseas, and he puts forth 100% of his imagination and effort.  My mind is a little more at ease: The crazy stuff comes from Amano and handful of other pornographers, not Japanese people in general.

However, having lived in Japan for two years, I still haven’t been able to come to terms with the stigma behind the 18-and-older curtain.  Why does so much of it exist if it’s just a niche market?  How popular is it really?  Who watches this stuff sincerely?

I suck myself out of my computer and lean back in my chair.  I take a look at all of the windows open on the computer screen, the pop-ups, the sea animals, the back streets of sex district Tokyo. I look up at my TV screen:  A freeze-frame of tarako-sized lips squeezed between chopsticks.

I watch this stuff sincerely.

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One response to “Story: Japanese Porn

  1. I can’t find “Erotic Tarako Lips” anywhere on the internet. Shit.

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